"I have a mature, supportive, satisfying, committed relationship, and I am so happy. "

"I have a mature, supportive, satisfying, committed relationship, and I am so happy. "

I can’t believe it’s taken me so long to tell you this, but … I’m married!  Needless to say, this is a dream come true for me.  I am so happy, because I feel safe and secure with a man who is devoted to me.  He is everything I was looking for – although it took you to make me realize that.  Of all the thank-you notes I have written, yours is the most important to me – because there is no way I would be a happily married woman today without you.

He is everything I need, and more – but I still couldn’t fully accept that when you and I finished off our coaching.  At that time, I still couldn’t help looking for perfection, magnifying shortcomings, and not accepting what was most important: unwavering interest in me as a person, following through on commitments, and truly wanting the same things I wanted in a relationship.  I still wasn’t appreciating Gary’s amazingly hot body, razor-sharp intellect, and unique life experiences he had created for himself.  Or that he made me breakfast in bed, put up with my neuroses, and just wanted to be with me.  All I saw was that he didn’t create a Fortune 500 company, drive a Tesla, or lunch regularly with Gavin Newsom.  Yes, I am ashamed.

I realize I am being a bit hard on myself – because I wouldn’t have been seriously dating Gary if I didn’t realize deep down that he was a man with the right stuff.  But there is no way I would have gotten to that point without you, Evan.  No chance I have found Gary and let him into my heart if it hadn’t been for you.  You were instrumental every step of the way: from that incredible online profile, to actually getting me to put it online (an entirely separate step, as you well know), to coaching me through all those first dates, to helping me realize why Gary was the kind of guy I should be with … I can’t thank you enough.

I continue to read your weekly posts, and I couldn’t agree more with everything you say (yes, pretty much everything).  For any woman who wants a real and meaningful relationship but continues coming up short, you are the man for the job to figure out where the stumbling blocks lie and implement a personalized plan to overcome them. Regardless of how women want to go about finding the relationship they want and need, you are the one to help them find it.

You sure did it for me.  I have a mature, supportive, satisfying, committed relationship (it’s even a marriage!), and I am so happy.  Thank you so much for everything!!

Karin G.

I caught my wife sexting someone else

Question: My wife is dealing with depression. She goes to a counsellor as well. I want to support her fully as I believe that she would have done the same for me if I was in her place, but of late it's getting tough for me. I recently caught her sexting someone and when I read those messages, she came across as a completely different person. Someone who is courageous and sexy. It left me jolted. I am not able to get over it. She doesn't even justify why she did it, just says she is sorry. I don't know what to do. My life has become miserable. ​ - By Anonymous​

Answer by Dr Deepak Raheja: It is evident from the above that you are feeling emotionally betrayed. It is obvious that she has not valued your empathetic stand towards her. I would want you to know that it is normal for anybody in such a scenario to feel dejected and disappointed. So, the way you are feeling is understandable.

However, I would like you to know that depression is a condition wherein; a vacuum of helplessness, hopelessness and emptiness envelops the inflicted person. It is not uncommon for such individuals to exhibit faulty decision-making, as the psychic agencies that control their judgment are impaired. To me, it seems that your wife too, is going through such a phase wherein she might have tried to fulfill that emptiness with her aberrant behaviour.

Research also shows that patients with depression are likely to engage in deviant behaviours such as extra-marital affairs, one-night stands and truancy to reduce the sense of worthlessness and to get an edge to cope with the underlying feeling of hopelessness and low self-esteem. Living in a make-believe world makes the acceptance of painful reality a little easier for them but in the long run this can lead to disastrous consequences if not dealt with appropriately. Hence, I feel you should try to not take on a judgmental stand towards your wife, at the same time reiterating that her behaviour is unacceptable at every level. I feel that to reach out to her, an emotional plea seems to be a better recourse than to confront her, which may lead to the falling apart of your marriage with painful consequences.

- Dr Deepak Raheja is a Senior Psychiatrist and Psychotherapist, Director of Foundation Hope